| you know when you tell someone, "I've been busy" I have realized that people dont anymore say why wats been going on. They just say, "Everyones busy, just find time" ugh.......
People dont have the capability to take in everything that is going around, sometimes it can be too much for a person. that is where I am. I feel as though I need time to get better because its hard to take care of people when you cant take care of yourself. I just need people to understand and honestly I am having a hard time believing in others.......
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| I've realized that through this whole year its been a learning process for me, trying to piece myself back up together. sounds dramatic but really its been hard. I tried to fight to get better by getting involved, TOO involved in alot of things, spreading myself thin.....
In turn it bit me back on the butt, I realized that I should of spent time to work on my problems that kept building up. I pushed people away people I found joy and genuine friendship with. I learned but sometimes I feel like I learned too late. I learned one of the most important lesson of all, learning to open up. I felt before that opening myself up would make me vulnerable but its the only way people will ever see you for who you really are.
I learned and am still learning, and I want to get better & get closer to people. I've realized that I don't want to be who I was before I want to learn to fit into my new self, find comfort in my own body and spirit. I have to wash away my sins and past, I just want to be reborn. 
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| wow, haven't wrote on this for awhile...haha.
so went to my counselor & if I PASS all my class this semester (18 credits-7 classes) then I'll graduate in 4 years!!! if I ruin ONE then its 41/2.....eeekk. can't believe I could be graduating soon & become an adult...
anywho update:
love life, hmmm...whats a good analogy?? its like a wave, it comes in strong and crashes but it calms down and goes away only to have come back....*sigh*
this semester is a new beginning, trying to be ME....which is a struggle but trying. It may be hard to understand but I'm goin through some heavy stuff this semester cause of the past but I've gained comfort in others prescence and talking and being more like ME helps.
Thanks for the HI's it helps. I'm slowly piecing myself together. I'm like one of those old puzzles you find in your attic that you want to do but when your almost done you find one piece that is one of the most important piece missing. (like the eye of the doggie or something, lol)
*I am 2007-2008 Multicultural Greek Council philanthropy chair!! I'm excited & decided that I shouldn't overwork myself too much! so tryin to limit what I do for my last year. really wanted to do AAA & PSA....mafa was so much fun!!
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| MERRI KRIZMAASS! 
BOOTYFUL! 
<3 AphiG-sters! |
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| The thought of death escapes my mind for a second for it to be once brought on again......unfortunately its not so good this time around. My dog, Minnie passed away, we put her to sleep this week on Tuesday. I had no idea, really. I knew that when I ran the door bell when I got home I didn't hear her run to the door, but I was greeted by my mother while she told me. I cried instantly and hugged her, I could still smell Minnie in the house. She was only 11 years old, out lived her siblings but she became a family member and I never really understood how it felt to lose a dog but they become a part of you. I thought it was strange the attachment people had with their pets but now I understand. She died peacefully I heard that before we put her to sleep she was having problems with her stomach and walking so I know she is better now. I still miss her so much its starting to really sink in. As I write this in my basement in my house I would always remember her sitting down by my feet on the furry mat, her barking at the top of the basement stairs cause she wouldn't come down cause she would just roll down the stairs, humping the bed whenever strangers came over cause she was too excited, how she always would try to get on the couch and sleep on the pillows, she way she nestled her head in my arms and how she always smelled like korean food..... I miss her too much, I still see her scratch marks on the bed & doors. I don't know if I could lose anyone else, its too heartbreaking. RIP Minnie Song. I love you dearly.     
    
I lost a member of my family, I need a hug thats all. |
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